Illusion of Control

A lot of writers I know consider themselves control freaks. I admit that I am one. The idea is a bit paradoxical, though.

What writer has ever been in control while anxiously awaiting the response (rejection?) of the thirty-fourth literary agent this month? Who feels in complete control when the finally-signed-you-and-agreed-to-sell-your-book agent is shopping said book around to publishers previously unreachable to you? And what author has full control over how well the book - having finally made its way to market - will capture the attention of the ever-increasingly prudent buyer?

And the emotional roller-coaster of the industry itself? I, for one, have never felt more emotionally out of control anywhere else. The sigh of relief when the editing is done is drowned by the agony of the realization that there is no such thing. The overwhelming joy that fills the soul when a reputable agent finally requests a full (manuscript) is crushed by the painful defeat of its subsequent rejection.

When the well of emotions seems to run dry, and the author gets his first real break and lives to see his book on the shelves of the best retail stores, an entirely new mental state arrives and with it, a whole new loss of control. David Sedaris wrote, "Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it."

The writer, now with a following, learns quickly that his readers will form their own conclusions. The author can only guide his reader so far. At some point, the book takes on its own meaning as each reader brings his unique life story into the pages he reads.

As much as we writers think we control our own destiny - or at least our own writing - we are mistaken. Writing is the illusion of control and the sooner we embrace the illusion, the sooner we can surrender to it. What fascinating stories we might weave inside the expectation that they will take on a life of their own!